Elkin Brothers Christmas: The Complete Series Page 21

  “We need to talk about Grandmother.”

  His brother let out a breath and rubbed at his forehead. “It was a good thing they were able to start the treatments early on, but she’s tired.” A sheen of tears appeared over his eyes, but he blinked them away. “Not that she wants anyone to know it.”

  She’d made the announcement at Thanksgiving about her cancer, and Gabe had missed it. If he thought about it too long, it ate at him, sticking in his thoughts and keeping him up at night. But she would never get into details like this, even with everyone gathered around for the holidays.

  Especially with everyone gathered around for the holidays.

  It wasn’t done in the Elkin family. Gabe’s heart pounded. When his parents had died, he’d spent months on edge, wondering when the next shoe would drop. It had been years since then, but it still felt like this was what he’d been waiting for. It didn’t make him worry any less. It didn’t make it any less awful.

  “No,” Gabe agreed. He’d had questions for Jonas, things he wanted to talk about, but now the words dissolved on his tongue. He searched them out by a sheer force of will. “Do you think she’ll beat the odds?”

  It sounded so strange coming from his mouth. Beating the odds was a cliché, but the thoughts that dogged Gabe were starker than that. He couldn’t bring himself to say them to his brother.

  “I don’t know. The odds—well, Grandmother might not have long, no matter the treatment. It’s impossible to say. If she knows differently, she hasn’t told me.” Jonas shrugged. “What I do know is that you made her happy with the engagement. She mentioned the wedding to me yesterday, hoping you’d have it here. You know, before anything happens to her. Are you—planning to have it here, that is?”

  Guilt swam up and threatened to choke him, but Gabe swallowed it down. “We haven’t discussed it yet.”

  His brother arched an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

  “No. The engagement happened fast.”

  Jonas let out a short laugh. “I would’ve thought you two had the whole thing planned out. She’s great for you.” His brother seemed to have had a change of heart about Anna.

  He couldn’t meet his brother’s eyes, his gaze settling on a silver Christmas tree at the corner of the desk. Anna was great for him. They complemented each other. And with every day that passed, he was more and more interested in her. Truly interested.

  “The Elk Lodge could be good for you, too. For both of you.”

  Gabe snapped his gaze back to Jonas’s. “What?”

  “Yes, you’re a great businessman, and your company is hugely successful. Those things are both true. But Gabe, you could be doing so much with the resort. With your family legacy.” Shock caught up with Gabe in a rush of blood to his head and a thundering heart. “Nothing would make Grandmother happier than to have all of us here, taking over the resort together.”

  “I—”

  “You’ve at least thought about it, haven’t you? Anna seems to love it here. The two of you could be happy.”

  “Jonas.” He could not move back here.

  “It’s a good suggestion.”

  “You’re asking me to give up my entire career to move back?” He’d brought home the perfect fiancée. Everyone in his family loved her. His grandmother was delighted that he’d found someone. Why couldn’t that be enough? When would what he did ever be enough? Gabe clenched his jaw and then forced himself to relax. One deep breath after another. “I’m sorry.” He sounded clipped and short, but it was the best he could do. “That’s not on the table.”

  Gabe got up from his seat and left, the conversation unfinished and seeming to follow him out the door. The weight of each moment pressed down on him like a massive boulder, hovering there and crushing him slowly with each moment that passed. Yes, his grandmother had gotten terrible news and a prognosis that didn’t seem promising. But moving back to the Elk Lodge wouldn’t save her. The problem was, if he returned, he might not leave again.

  He felt raw from his skin to his core and halfway to his grandmother’s suite, he realized where he was going—his old room. He knocked on the door and went in without waiting for a response, finding it unlocked the way it always was when they were in town.

  “Grandmother?” No answer. Gabe moved down the hall into the quiet of the space, peeking into the master bedroom. His grandmother slept peacefully, shoulders rising and falling under her blanket. Good for her. She deserved a nap, after raising the three of them and running the lodge for so long.

  His room was down the hall from hers, and the door opened soundlessly under his hand like the hinges had been freshly oiled. Like his brothers’ rooms, she’d left them all pretty much as they were when they lived there. A queen-size bed in the center. Low bookshelves brimming with comic books. Anime posters on the walls. Gabe’s room wasn’t like his brothers’—they had ski trophies and things like that, and he’d never been much for formal skiing competitions.

  People were always surprised when they heard that. How could an Elkin not be an incredible skier?

  Jonas’s proposal was untenable in every possible way. There was nothing for him here. Nothing permanent, anyway. He would always be looking for a way to find a place where he belonged. He wouldn’t ever belong here because his family was complete without him.

  You’ll belong here if Anna stays, a voice whispered at the back of his mind—but Anna wasn’t going to stay. She was only here because he was here, and when he left, so would she. The thought of her leaving gave him a pang of sadness. Impossible. He couldn’t be sad about it.

  The quiet of the room pressed in on him. He wanted to be back in his apartment in Vegas and he wanted to fit here. Such a bizarre contradiction. The person who would make everything seem less fraught would be waiting for him in the suite, so he left as quietly as he’d come. Anna.

  The first thing he wanted to do was kiss her. And then he would pull her in close and breathe in the sweetness of her hair and feel the sensuous curves of her body beneath his palms. There would be no more ringing silence because she would make those little noises she always made in the back of her throat. It would be delicious.

  He pushed open the door to their suite only to discover she was gone.

  Disappointment punched him in the chest. Gabe rubbed absently at his ribs, trying to dispel an ache that he didn’t want to feel. Anna didn’t have to be at his side every second for the full duration of the vacation. That wasn’t the deal they had.

  A note waited for him on the narrow kitchen counter where they’d spent so much time baking cookies.

  Gabe

  Chase and Tana invited me to take a ski lesson. I’ve only been once, and it was a long time ago, so I’ll probably make a fool of myself. See you in a bit!

  Anna

  He threw the note down on the counter, smoothed it out with his hands, and read it again. Chase and Tana. Of course. They liked Anna, and the Elk Lodge was a luxury ski resort. It would only be right for them to invite her to a lesson.

  What was wrong with him?

  Gabe went to the window and looked out at the slopes, trying to pick her out her slender form. Not spotting her, he had to shove down the urge to run out after her and bring her back. He’d come here to tell her everything and ask for her support, but clearly, that wasn’t going to happen.

  He shook it off, stepping away from the view and striding back into the suite. He’d find something to do. Gabe had always been able to find something to do—he’d never needed another person the way he needed Anna now. In fact, he couldn’t keep needing her this way. It was entirely outside the bounds of what they’d agreed to, and no matter how many times she kissed him back, there was no guarantee—

  Maybe it will be okay. The thought came paired with an image of Anna sitting close to him on the couch, cuddled into his side. If she listened to what he had to say, and if she told him it would all be okay, if she laughed—then maybe it would be.

  12

  Anna had told a small fib i
n her note to Gabe. She’d been to a ski hill once but hadn’t done more than a couple of runs. Her parents had fought and cut the visit short, never mind that they’d driven up into the mountains just for the experience. And wow, had things changed since she was a kid. Her knees felt wobbly, and her butt burned after a single trip down the bunny slope.

  “You’re doing great,” Tana called out as she made an excruciatingly slow snowplow move to stay close to Anna.

  They’d gone down again and again, and Anna noticed it was getting smoother on the descent, even if it was slow. It wasn’t enough to keep up with everybody else on the slope. Tiny kids went by on either side of her, Tana cheering them on by name. More than a few of the children had jingle bells clipped to the zippers of their jackets, identifying the students so the ski staff would be there to offer extra cheer on the slopes.

  The perfection of the scene in front of her made her want to shrink into her ski coat and disappear. Not because she thought Tana shouldn’t cheer for them—she should. She was a great teacher, and the cheerleading was part of it. But Anna simply couldn’t fathom a childhood where she’d have had regular vacations like this, with enough ski lessons to be incredibly good at it. It embarrassed her.

  If she and Gabe stayed together—which they wouldn’t—she might be able to find that kind of time. She would have the ease of all the others. Eventually, people wouldn’t be able to tell her apart from the rest of the family, or the guests.

  That was the dream, wasn’t it? It hadn’t been when they’d taken off from Vegas, but now that she was in the middle of it, it was tantalizing. A sense of belonging and home. To have no more connection to her childhood.

  It was like movie theater popcorn. She never thought about the wildly expensive treat until she was standing in line to buy a ticket. Then she found it nearly irresistible. Unlike the popcorn, obviously, she couldn’t buy a little taste of being Gabe’s wife. This was it. This was the taste, and it was all she would ever get.

  Chase came down and cut by on the left, moving down the bunny slope in a slow, broad curve.

  “Head up, Elkin,” Tana hollered, causing him to throw back his head and laugh.

  He’d taken skiing so far that he’d gone pro, and after a terrible accident, ended up here. The Elk Lodge was his fallback plan—the place he’d always be able to come home to if he wanted. A home. “What’s on your mind?” Tana asked. She’d turned her full attention back to Anna and slowed down even more to match her speed. “You look distracted.”

  If anyone understood, it would be Tana. From what Anna had learned about her, she knew Tana was in a similar situation—though. “They had a good childhood, didn’t they? The Elkin boys,” she clarified, nodding her head in Chase’s direction. “He looks happy.”

  Tana smiled. “He looks happy now, but there was a long while there where he wasn’t skiing, and happiness was in short supply.”

  Anna had a brief flashback of a news item she’d seen one day on her morning stroll. It had featured Chase and his accident and buzzed with a kind of hopefulness she hadn’t quite trusted. They’d seemed confident he would overcome his injuries and return to competition. So far, he’d recovered, but he hadn’t said anything about competing again.

  “And... growing up wasn’t the happiest of times either for them.” Tana shook her head. “Losing both parents is a blow even if you’re wealthy. And trust me—I did not grow up wealthy.” Tana sighed a little. “My parents were comfortable, but home was nothing like this.” She gave Anna a sheepish grin. “I shouldn’t be speaking for the guys, but I’ve never heard Chase complain about his younger years.”

  “Their grandmother loves them,” Anna said softly. No matter how high her standards were, she could see that love in Elin’s eyes whenever she looked at her grandsons.

  “She does.” Tana sounded a little choked up, but when she spoke again, it was in her regular voice. “You know, I think their grandparents tried to make up for the loss of their parents by being close.”

  “Strict, though.”

  “They had high standards,” Tana conceded. “But there was a lot of love, too. There still is. It’s what matters here.”

  Tana’s words were a blow to her heart. Love was not what had mattered when she was growing up, and as for high standards…that was a fat zero. Her past was rife with poverty and criminal activity. Anna had worked hard to leave the stigma of that behind, but she still felt like it clung to her no matter where she went. It would mean that she was always the odd one out at a place like the Elk Lodge, and maybe everywhere, if her ex had been any indication of her place in the world.

  Anna came to a stop at the bottom of the hill, cheeks burning.

  “Are you calling it quits?” Tana asked, coming to a stop next to her, a wide smile on her face. “You did an awesome job. First lesson, too.”

  “It was wonderful.” Anna smiled back. “I just need a few minutes to warm up inside the lodge.”

  Tana offered to take her skis back to the rental building. Anna unclipped them and handed them to her, more than ready for a break. “They’ll be waiting for you at the rental building if you want to come out again,” Tana said with a wink as she folded them under her arm. “Any time, okay?”

  “Perfect.” Anna clomped inside the building, her ski boots making it awkward. They were so heavy when she wasn’t actually in skis, dragging her down again and again. But she relished the struggle of picking up her feet every time. Her life had been like that once. She had fought for every step. Now, all she had to do was take off these boots...if she wanted. She was strong enough to make it back to the room.

  It was good, in a way, because she had to walk slower and process her feelings about the ski hill conversation. Anna would never fit in at the Elk Lodge. That was true. But that didn’t mean she had to feel bad about it. She could still hold her head up high. Lift your chin, lovely. She did.

  Back in the suite, she found Gabe sitting on the sofa, one hand along the back. He’d gone completely still, but the air around him crackled with unreleased energy. It sent a shiver over her skin. He wasn’t in a good mood. Anna couldn’t describe how she knew, except that they’d worked closely together for weeks. It was the way he sat, she decided—it telegraphed everything.

  Gabe turned his head to the side as she worked her ski boots off her feet and lined them up on the floor. “I’m glad you’re back from your lesson,” he said, sounding flat. The tone didn’t surprise her. She’d heard this one, too, and it was the tone he used when he was trying to hide his irritation. Better to get it out in the open now. The meeting—it had to do with the meeting. He’d been fine when they got out of the tub, and now he wasn’t.

  “How was your meeting with Jonas?” Anna padded through the room and fell into the spot on the sofa next to him. She didn’t miss the way he inched closer, or the way his shoulders dropped a little. Gabe still wore an expression that was somewhere between anger and resignation. Anna followed his gaze out toward the slopes and traced the path of a figure in a purple coat coming down in a series of lazy curves. It looked good. She probably hadn’t looked that good, but at least she’d tried.

  “My brother had other ideas about what I should be doing with my life.”

  Anna blinked. Jonas seemed like the type to have lots of thoughts about what other people should do, but it had clearly gotten Gabe’s goat at this meeting. For a horrible moment, she thought Jonas might be talking about her—maybe he’d discovered the truth about the two of them. That would be bad. That was not something she wanted for Elin or Gabe. Any of them. “Really?” Her tongue felt dry. “He wanted you to—what, to do something else?” She should be straightforward—is this about me? But it felt wrong to ask. Selfish.

  “Yes. Jonas’s expectations are as high as they ever were in my family, and now…” He let out a huff. “Now, I know my business will never be enough for them. I thought if I showed them I was happy, they would change their minds. Clearly, that’s not going to happen. I’m st
ill a disappointment.”

  Anna reached out and took his hand, and he squeezed tight. It kept her grounded, though the rest of her seemed unsettled. Unmoored. “I don’t think that’s true,” she finally managed. “Chase looks up to you. He spent a good chunk of our lesson talking about how smart you are.” She rolled her eyes. “You’re not the outsider. You just have a different outlook on life. They want to be here at the lodge, and you want something else. It doesn’t mean your family thinks less of you.”

  He stiffened, cutting a glance at her out of the corner of his eye. “How can you be sure of that? You don’t really even know my family.” That hurt. It was true, yeah, but that was probably why it hurt so much. “My job has never been good enough because it’s not here. My girlfriends have never measured up to my grandmother’s standards.” Gabe stared straight ahead, and Anna’s heart threatened to break for him.

  The comment stung because it lumped her in with all the other girlfriends Gabe had brought here. How could Anna ever begin to fit in here? She could barely ski. And she definitely couldn’t pretend to be from a wealthy, stable family. Okay—she could pretend that, but eventually, the truth would come out.

  Or maybe it wouldn’t because they wouldn’t be together. They would return home and keep working together at a careful distance. As professionals. And she wouldn’t get to fall into bed with him again. She would not.

  The trick was to stay focused.

  What she would do was work extra hard to win the family over tonight. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d felt like a complete imposter while doing a job, but no matter what she felt, she’d do the job to the best of her ability. Beyond the best of her ability. That was how she’d positioned herself for this moment, hadn’t she?

  Anna took a deep breath and reached for Gabe. She held him close and kissed his cheek.

  He laughed. “What’s that for?”

  “I know what I know,” she told him. “You’re good enough for your family. More than good enough. If you want to do something different, then that’s up to you.” His muscular shoulders felt good in her arms. “But in the meantime, you know what we’re going to do?”