The SEAL’s Beautiful Nanny (The Admiral’s SEALs Book 2) Page 11

  It was nice that Carolyn included her as part of the family, but she wasn’t and never would be. After her and Colin’s conversation about the internship, the distance between them had grown into an extended, uncomfortable silence. She regretted letting that happen, since she wasn’t sure there was any way back to even a friendship. Knowing Carolyn was waiting for a response, Lily said, “I’m not a Vale, but it’s nice to see brothers who stick together so closely.”

  “That comes from their early years,” Carolyn observed. “They’d go through fire for each other.”

  “They’re good men,” Lily said. “All of them.” They were toughened by experience and training but loyal to those they held dear.

  “I’m partial to Zach.” Carolyn chuckled. “Feel free to think differently.”

  Lily did, but could she say that to Carolyn? Carolyn had become a friend in the past months, and it would be nice to confide in someone. Lily took a sip of wine, letting the cool liquid slide down her throat as she tried to decide what to say next.

  Carolyn’s phone lit up with a message. “It’s from Zach,” she said. “The doctor says that Colin’s gunshot wound isn’t serious. It just needs to be cleaned and sutured. They’ll be back when that’s done. See? It’s fine.”

  Lily nodded as Carolyn typed a return message. The report from the hospital wasn’t a surprise, but she was still glad Zach had taken the time to send it.

  “Lillee.” Sofia was suddenly at Lily’s feet. She scooped the girl up in her arms and squeezed her tight until Sofia squeaked and giggled. At least she could still give Colin’s child the affection that she wanted to give him.

  “Are you done coloring, sweetie?” Lily asked.

  “I’m sleepy,” Sofia said. It was unusual for her to admit to being tired. She and Austin must have played hard that afternoon at Carolyn’s house.

  “Let’s get you ready for bed.” Lily carried her up the stairs. Sofia revived a little in the bathtub as she played with some of the foam animal shapes they’d cut out, but by the time Lily got pajamas on her, Sofia’s head was drooping.

  Unwilling to put her down just yet, Lily held her, rocking and pacing while Sofia snuggled into her shoulder, unaware of the tension of the day. Lily wished she could forget all that had happened, but it kept replaying in her mind.

  She’d gotten out of her art class early and headed home, not realizing that she was being followed.

  When she got there, she’d gone to her apartment, telling herself that she needed to gather a few items, since she was still sleeping in the main house at Colin’s insistence. The truth was, she’d wanted to be alone. Living with Colin had been tense, even exhausting for the past few days, and she’d wanted her own space to sort out her thoughts.

  She was already in her apartment when she heard voices in the backyard and peeked out to see Stout and the ponytailed man. They were too close for her to get to the rarely used stairs that connected directly to the house, so she’d hidden in her bedroom closet. If Colin hadn’t come home when he did, she didn’t know what she would have done. She could have tried to fight the men off, but against two of them, she didn’t know if she could have.

  Sofia’s breathing was soft and regular. Once again, Lily thanked her lucky stars that the girl hadn’t been home that day. Her only consolation while she’d waited in her bedroom was that Sofia was safe with Zach and Carolyn.

  When she’d heard Colin’s voice, she’d felt relief that he’d help her and fear that he’d be hurt. And he had been. It wasn’t a serious injury, she reminded herself, but it could have been. That’s what she struggled with so much. He could have been mortally wounded, and then Sofia would have been an orphan again, and Lily would be… would be… alone, having lost the best thing that had ever happened to her.

  Because he was. He so was. She closed her eyes, nestling her face against Sofia’s soft hair. Colin was the man Lily loved. A rush went through her. She’d known that was true, so the depth of her love wasn’t a surprise, but it was a relief to pull it out from the layers of her heart and acknowledge it.

  “Night-night, sweetie.” Lily slowly lowered Sofia into the crib, but she didn’t leave the girl’s bedroom. She stayed in the dimly lit room to think.

  The day her aunt had offered her the internship, she’d been elated… but the thought of leaving Colin and Sofia had dampened her excitement. It had been that way in the time since. She’d teetered between the idea of pursuing her dream job and staying with her dream man and family.

  It took Colin being shot for her to understand and accept that her dream had changed. She could have everything she wanted, everything that would make her happy, right there with Colin.

  If he felt the same about her. That’s what she didn’t know.

  She was going to have to be brave and confess her love. If he didn’t want her, she’d leave. She would have no choice. But she had hope, some derived from the way he’d held her that afternoon and some from the way he’d reacted when she’d told him about the internship. She thought about his face that day in the kitchen. He’d shut her out so rapidly it had sliced through her, but was he only protecting his own heart?

  When he got home from the hospital, she was going to take the second chance fate had given her.

  17

  “Are you brothers?” the emergency room nurse asked with a smile after she cleaned Colin’s gunshot wound. She looked between Colin and Zach.

  “Yep. I’ve been trying to keep this guy in line for years. See how successful I was?” Zach gestured to Colin’s injured arm.

  “Must be a tough job,” she said.

  Colin didn’t miss the flirtatious glance she gave him. He assumed she’d noted Zach’s wedding band, because all her attention was directed to him. He wasn’t interested, not when the woman he loved was waiting at his house. Even if she wasn’t truly his.

  “How much longer until we can go?” Colin asked, keeping his expression neutral. He wanted out of this small room that smelled of disinfectant as soon as possible.

  The nurse’s smile dimmed. “The doctor will be in to suture you up in a few minutes.”

  “Thanks,” Colin said as the nurse was leaving.

  “You ruined her fun,” Zach teased.

  “Not interested. And this is too much fuss over a scratch.” He looked at his arm. It was a nasty gash, but it wouldn’t slow him down any.

  “I thought your combat days were behind you,” Zach said. “Guess you never know.” Colin shrugged. “Seriously, I’m glad everyone’s okay. Carolyn said the patrol car is parked at the end of the driveway. The kids played, and Sofia’s gone to bed. Everything’s fine.”

  “Lily?” He had to ask, because he didn’t know what to expect. For all he knew, she might be packing her bags at that moment, preparing to take the internship in New York.

  “Carolyn reports that Lily’s pretty shaken up,” Zach said as he scrolled through his messages. “They’re having some wine, and she’s trying to get her to relax.”

  “Yeah, makes sense.” At Colin’s gruff tone, Zach pinned him with a look that said, I’m your older brother. What do you need to tell me?

  “You need to talk or want some advice on women?” Zach offered.

  “Nope.” Colin was too busy thinking about Lily sitting in the kitchen, drinking wine. Maybe for the last time. She hadn’t been staying since the beginning, and the internship she wanted started in two weeks. She was halfway out the door. A fact Colin didn’t share with his brother.

  “You know that Lily won’t let anything happen to Sofia,” Zach reminded him, misreading Colin’s mood.

  Lily wouldn’t let physical harm come to his daughter. Colin did know that. But when she left, Sofia would be hurt, maybe devastated. And how the hell was he going to deal with that on top of his own sense of loss? He knew the answer: he’d have to bury his feelings for Lily—as he’d been trying to do ever since she told him about the internship—and focus on what his daughter needed.

  “What did
you hear from the police?” Colin asked to change the subject. Earlier, Zach had stepped into the hallway and taken a call.

  “They picked up the DEA agent, Newhart, for questioning—with the cooperation of the feds, of course,” Zach answered.

  “What grounds did they state for bringing him in?”

  “Incriminating information on Stout’s phone. These guys weren’t cautious.”

  Colin expected that he and Lily would be further interviewed about Stout and his associates. “Dirty agents rarely are. They think they’re smarter than everybody else—no one would ever catch on to them.”

  “From what I’m hearing, he’ll get what’s coming to him,” Zach said as the doctor entered the room to stitch the wound closed.

  It was late by the time Zach drove him home and picked up Carolyn and Austin. The boy was sound asleep as Zach put him in the car seat before waving goodbye. Colin closed and locked his front door once they pulled out of his driveway. Out of habit, he began checking windows to ensure they were locked.

  “I already did that,” Lily said softly from behind him. “Twice. You should sit.” She’d disappeared into the kitchen when he’d arrived home, and he hadn’t heard her return.

  “I’m fine,” he said. His bandaged arm looked worse than it felt, with the thick layer of gauze stretched around the sterile pad.

  “Just relax on the couch, and I’ll get you something to drink. Are you hungry? You probably didn’t get any dinner. I could…” She was nervous around him, making him regret what had happened between them.

  “Lily, I meant it when I said I was fine. Trust me, I’ve walked miles with far worse injuries.”

  “Please sit down,” she said, exhaustion showing on her face.

  “Only if you join me.” He gave in to her request, but he wanted to make sure she was all right before they parted for the night.

  “If you like,” she agreed, walking ahead of him to the couch and taking the cushion on the opposite end. He sat in the middle, unwilling to have a gap between them. He didn’t know where their conversation would go, but he wanted to be near her while he could.

  “Are you okay?” he asked after she’d fussed by putting a throw pillow under his injured arm.

  “I’m fine. I wasn’t hurt,” she said, giving him a small smile.

  “Not physically.” But there were many kinds of hurt.

  “I admit, I was shaking with fear when Stout entered my bedroom. I was afraid of being trapped in there with him.” She shuddered, making Colin want to hold her and soothe away the bad memory.

  “You found a good use for your art,” he said, hoping his comment would draw her interest. The heavy sculpture of a human form had made a good club.

  “When I made that piece,” she said, “I didn’t realize it would double as a weapon. Ironically, it’s the best artwork I’ve produced.”

  “It’s definitely the most practical,” he said, and her eyes dimmed slightly. Damn, he hadn’t meant to insult her art. “And beautiful,” he added.

  “Thanks.” Her voice was low as she turned her face away from him.

  He had to tamp down on his desire to take her in his arms. Would she come to him? Would she let him hold her as he had earlier in the day? What would happen if he told her how much he loved her? If she had that knowledge, would it change her plans, whatever those were?

  But trapping her there wasn’t fair to her, so he steeled his heart and forced himself to speak of other things. “I suppose I should fill you in on the situation,” he said.

  “Is John Stout in jail?” she asked.

  “Locked up,” he confirmed. “You don’t need to worry about him for a while.”

  She sighed. “That’s good news, at least.”

  “The man you heard speaking with him at your apartment building was the same one who was with him the day you moved out of there,” Colin explained.

  “How’d you figure that out?”

  “I recognized him, but it took me some time to place him. He’s a DEA agent, a dirty one as it turns out, who was working with Stout. Stout—not his real name by the way—is a drug dealer. Not a major one. The two of them had cooked up some scheme. The police and the feds are still sorting out the details. But Stout’s obsession with you was his downfall. I can’t really blame him there.”

  She swung her head so their eyes met. Colin could never excuse the way Stout had harassed and stalked Lily, but he understood how a man could be attracted to her, attracted enough to make some questionable choices. God knows he had. He’d gone into a relationship with her knowing it had no future, knowing it was counter to his own goals in life, unable to stop himself. Those thoughts roared through his head, but he didn’t say them. He was recounting the facts for her to reassure her that this was all over.

  “Stout started to drive by the house. I don’t know how he got the address, but he had it pretty much from the start. He drove by often enough that I noticed his gray Camry. I saw it again in the diner parking lot one night when he had a rendezvous with the DEA agent. I called in some help from a friend to track down information on both men. I moved too slowly on what I knew, and that’s what gave Stout the opportunity to come after you here. I should have ended this mess sooner.”

  “This isn’t your fault,” Lily declared, leaning closer to him. “Not at all. You saved me today. I may have clubbed Stout over the head, but I couldn’t have escaped both of those men.”

  “You shouldn’t underestimate yourself,” he said, but he was damn glad he’d been there anyway. He didn’t want to think about what might have happened to her if Stout had gotten to her. “I guess that’s it.” He didn’t want to go to bed, not without her, but that phase of their relationship was over. Before he could rise, though, she caught his arm, preventing him.

  “I have something to say,” she said. “This might not be the best time, but I don’t want to wait any longer.”

  He steeled himself, waiting for the inevitable and wondering why it had to be tonight. He knew what was coming. She was officially giving him her notice that she was leaving. And he was going to have to let her go, even wish her well. Christ, that was going to be hard. “Okay.”

  “I’ve been struggling with the decision about the internship. A few months ago, I would have dropped everything to go, but not now,” she admitted. She focused on her hands, clasped in her lap, while she spoke. “Now, everything has changed.”

  “How so?” he asked, feeling a glimmer of selfish hope.

  “Back then, I would have thought the internship the most important thing in my life, but now I know that it’s not. You,” she looked him in the eye, “and Sofia are.”

  A conflict raged in his chest. He could have her in his life, but at what price? She’d have to give up what she wanted. He couldn’t do that to her.

  Slowly, he shook his head. “I don’t want to get in the way of your dream.”

  “Aren’t you hearing me?” Her soft voice was growing in strength. “It’s not my dream.”

  “But it’s an entry into the comic book world. That’s what you want,” he argued, wondering why even as the words came out of his mouth.

  “It’s not. When I had lunch with Aunt Maddie, she questioned me about my dream, what it truly was—which made me think. I love art. I love to draw, I love to paint, I love to sculpt—but if I’m honest, being a comic book artist is not my dream. I just wanted to be free from expectations, free to be me, and to me—back then—that was my aunt. She broke out of the mold that my family demands. She lived for herself and pursued her dream. That’s what I want. I want the power to chase my dream. And before you ask, I don’t know what that is yet. I’m still figuring it out. I do know one thing, though: I know that you and Sofia are part of that dream. A big part of it.”

  When she ended her speech, her cheeks were pink. He could relate. He forced himself to suck in a breath as he processed the full force of what she’d said. She intended to stay with them, with him. Everything else was secondary to th
at.

  He reached for her, hauling her onto his lap.

  “Your arm,” she cautioned, even as she put hers around his neck.

  “Isn’t bothering me a bit,” he said, beginning a kiss that held all the passion he’d pent up during the past days. He nipped at her lips before sliding his tongue into her mouth. He groaned at the contact. He wanted more of that, more arousing friction between them, everywhere between them. He loosened her shirt from her jeans, tugging it upward and tossing it behind him.

  “Do you want to go upstairs?” she asked between kisses. She knew his preference for making love in bed, but he was thinking the living room couch was looking just fine. They’d get to his bed later.

  “Here,” he said, unsnapping her front-closure bra. She shimmied out of it, the movement of her breasts ramping up his desire. As if that needed any help. He was hard and ready to enter her, but he had so many things he wanted to do first.

  “That’s unlike you,” she commented as she helped him out of his T-shirt, easing the sleeve over his bandaged arm.

  “I’ve loosened up,” he said.

  She leaned back, studying him. “Have you? Or have I just come to understand you? I think inside,” her fingers walked up his bare chest, “you wanted some color in your life, some clutter, strange clay creatures baking in the oven, and finger paintings.”

  “I think I did,” he agreed, “and you’ve brought them to me. Now that I’ve had them—and you—I can’t live without them.”

  “You won’t have to,” she said. It wasn’t like him to need assurances, but she seemed to understand that tonight he did. “I promise I’ll be here for as long as you want me.”

  Forever? he wanted to ask, but that question could wait for another time, for the perfect time. His lips slowly tracked down her neck to the crook of her shoulder as his hands slid past the waistband of her low-waisted jeans to cup her butt.

  “Less clothes,” she murmured and stood to undo her jeans. She pushed them down her hips with a seductive wiggle. He thought about helping, but he was enjoying the show as her pink panties decorated with little artist palettes were revealed.